Those were the days...

Thankfully, the above isn't our routine anymore. He was just over a week old. No more of that 2-3 hourly feeds!  Look at my scribbling towards the end (or rather the beginning of a new day which I wasn't ready to start). I was losing it. I never slept more than 3 hours at one go. Geez, how in the world did I manage that! Sheer Supermommy power!

And of course, due to my pregnancy brain which is still hanging around, I didn't realise it actually takes a baby some time to get used to not being breastfed anymore. So instead of stopping the breastfeeds at 6 months as I had preferred, he stopped at 7 months.

In the times I was weaning him off, I still wake up several times in the night. Right up until perhaps 2 months ago I was still doing that. I remember even when Kayden actually slept for 3 hours straight in the early days, I STILL woke up anyway, just to check on him. I was afraid he was starving, but was just too hungry to even cry. I know of other moms out there who jump out of bed in the middle of the night because they thought they heard their baby cry. When you are a new mother, every little sound makes you think your baby is awake and needs you. When I went into his room, of course I found my baby fast asleep, sometimes doing a little baby snore. It was just silly me waking up for nothing. He was fine.

I still jot the times down in the sleeping diary till this day. I don't do it every single day like I used to, but often enough. I like going through it and marveling at how far my baby has come along since.

Today, he sleeps through the night. But he is still like clockwork with his routines! Check back again soon, it'll be for another post later on.

Finding myself a little lost

I have a confession. I haven't always been the person I am. As a teenager, I was impulsive. I make stupid and rash decisions. BUT, I acted on how I feel and followed my heart. I can honestly say I don't have regrets in my life during my teenage years. However moronic my actions were. And back then, I had all the freedom and time in the world. Nothing was too hard or impossible! I did what I did, and I learned not to make the same mistakes again in future. But those mistakes to me, were very valuable lessons in life.

As a young adult fresh out from university, I got married at a young age. We were both just starting out in life. And as a young adult, just starting out life in the harsh world of reality, I found myself having to be alot more accomodating to others because I was inexperienced in life. There was lots to learn. So, I watched. I listened and I compromised. A LOT. So the person I am now, is mellowed out so much, I have come to realise just only recently, that I think I have lost a big part of me.  And I need to find MYSELF again.

Becoming a mother and then turning 30 has been a huge milestone in life for me.

I want to live my life the way I want to. It doesn't sit well with me right now thinking that when I am 50, I am telling Des "I should done this", "I should have done that" or "I should have said that". By then, my life is far from over, but it might be too late to do things a certain way with the same gusto at a time like now.

But, I am not too sure how I am going to go about finding myself while having to juggle being a mother at the same time. I feel like I have taken a backseat in life when I gave birth to my beautiful little man 8 months ago. I desperately want to be a good parent, but I yearn to be a unique individual with a spontaneity for life. I know I have to do and say things with caution, after all I am his role model! (for now anyway)I  have blinkers going on in my head doubting whether it is still possible. I am at a crossroad in my life and I need to think about which direction I want to head toward for my years ahead.

Or is this just my post pregnancy hormones playing up? Tell me! Oh, just don't tell me I am heading towards a mid life crisis!

If you are a parent, or a busy individual, I would love to hear how you prioritize your life, to rediscover you.  Am I making any sense here today? Send me an email, or leave me a comment, I would love to read and learn from your experiences or suggestions!

Having a moment

People ask me how I am coping everytime they see me. I say fine and mean it too. Most of the times anyway. But with a new baby to cope with, things aren't always rosy. 

Right after Kayden was born, I was lucky enough to have my parents and aunt to help me out around the house. But they have since gone back home, and hubby has returned to work after the holiday season break too.

Sometimes I think "hey! I've recovered from the labour! I can jump, I can bend down,  and I can somewhat run again!". So I go about doing all the housework despite warnings from my mom and aunt (they were here to help me out during confinement) totally forgetting that the doc said it takes up to 3 months before I may fully recover from it all.

There was a night feed where I felt nothing seem to be going the right way. I was exhausted and Kayden was struggling as I was feeding him. Naturally all that wriggling brought up quite a bit of his feed which spilled onto his clothes, my clothes, the chair and the floor. Then I saw annoying baby spiders in the corners of the room as I was burping him. And just as I was putting him back into his cot, his cot door slided up and I was having difficulty pushing it back down, so I pushed and I pushed and all that noise woke hubby up and he came into the room.

I broke into tears. Nothing is going right!!! Everything is just wrong wrong wrong! Why is he puking so much? Why are there so many spiders in his room all of a sudden? What is wrong with the stupid cot door! Waaaa!!!!!

But my lovin husband immediately hugged and consoled me, telling me it is all part of having a new baby. There are many other first time moms out there who are trying to cope with it all too. I also know it is also due to my hormones settling down after the pregnancy.

Feeling reassured about it all, we both went back to our bed. Leaving Kayden soundly asleep in his cot, after all that commotion from before. He didn't stir one bit! Ahhhh... life of a baby...

Kayden at 7 weeks - Sleep deprivation

Kayden is 7 weeks old. And I am a walking zombie. Sleep? What is that? Gone were the days where I sleep for at least 6 hours! Going into REM mode for 2 hours is bliss these days! Kayden is still on 3 hourly feeds. It can take up to an hour or so to feed him at times. He suckles for about 30 minutes then I burp him. He tends to throw up abit of his feed most times, so I prop him up on my sholder for a little while more to make sure it all stays down. Otherwise, he will be grizzly again in 2 hours. And that, is exhausting. Because eg. it means, 2pm feed, finish at 3pm, and then at 4pm *waaaaa!!!!* and its feed time again. NOT fun. And makes mommy highly grouchy.



I have started him on formula feeds for night time in bid he sleeps longer (as formula takes longer to digest compared to breast milk). However, it still means that I am up hazy eyed twice during the night. Hazy eyed, legs, arms and eyes in auto pilot mode shuffling around and feeding him.

He has started sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches duringt he night this week. Its either the start of a sleeping pattern or that he is exhausted from all the X'mas festivities! The poor little man was so exhausted he managed to sleep through all the noise at the annual Christmas day dinner at a cousin's!


Edited to add: Oh my, I've read over this entry 7 months later. I was sleep deprived back then alright! All those spelling and grammatical errors! Haha!