Finding myself a little lost

I have a confession. I haven't always been the person I am. As a teenager, I was impulsive. I make stupid and rash decisions. BUT, I acted on how I feel and followed my heart. I can honestly say I don't have regrets in my life during my teenage years. However moronic my actions were. And back then, I had all the freedom and time in the world. Nothing was too hard or impossible! I did what I did, and I learned not to make the same mistakes again in future. But those mistakes to me, were very valuable lessons in life.

As a young adult fresh out from university, I got married at a young age. We were both just starting out in life. And as a young adult, just starting out life in the harsh world of reality, I found myself having to be alot more accomodating to others because I was inexperienced in life. There was lots to learn. So, I watched. I listened and I compromised. A LOT. So the person I am now, is mellowed out so much, I have come to realise just only recently, that I think I have lost a big part of me.  And I need to find MYSELF again.

Becoming a mother and then turning 30 has been a huge milestone in life for me.

I want to live my life the way I want to. It doesn't sit well with me right now thinking that when I am 50, I am telling Des "I should done this", "I should have done that" or "I should have said that". By then, my life is far from over, but it might be too late to do things a certain way with the same gusto at a time like now.

But, I am not too sure how I am going to go about finding myself while having to juggle being a mother at the same time. I feel like I have taken a backseat in life when I gave birth to my beautiful little man 8 months ago. I desperately want to be a good parent, but I yearn to be a unique individual with a spontaneity for life. I know I have to do and say things with caution, after all I am his role model! (for now anyway)I  have blinkers going on in my head doubting whether it is still possible. I am at a crossroad in my life and I need to think about which direction I want to head toward for my years ahead.

Or is this just my post pregnancy hormones playing up? Tell me! Oh, just don't tell me I am heading towards a mid life crisis!

If you are a parent, or a busy individual, I would love to hear how you prioritize your life, to rediscover you.  Am I making any sense here today? Send me an email, or leave me a comment, I would love to read and learn from your experiences or suggestions!