Finding myself a little lost

I have a confession. I haven't always been the person I am. As a teenager, I was impulsive. I make stupid and rash decisions. BUT, I acted on how I feel and followed my heart. I can honestly say I don't have regrets in my life during my teenage years. However moronic my actions were. And back then, I had all the freedom and time in the world. Nothing was too hard or impossible! I did what I did, and I learned not to make the same mistakes again in future. But those mistakes to me, were very valuable lessons in life.

As a young adult fresh out from university, I got married at a young age. We were both just starting out in life. And as a young adult, just starting out life in the harsh world of reality, I found myself having to be alot more accomodating to others because I was inexperienced in life. There was lots to learn. So, I watched. I listened and I compromised. A LOT. So the person I am now, is mellowed out so much, I have come to realise just only recently, that I think I have lost a big part of me.  And I need to find MYSELF again.

Becoming a mother and then turning 30 has been a huge milestone in life for me.

I want to live my life the way I want to. It doesn't sit well with me right now thinking that when I am 50, I am telling Des "I should done this", "I should have done that" or "I should have said that". By then, my life is far from over, but it might be too late to do things a certain way with the same gusto at a time like now.

But, I am not too sure how I am going to go about finding myself while having to juggle being a mother at the same time. I feel like I have taken a backseat in life when I gave birth to my beautiful little man 8 months ago. I desperately want to be a good parent, but I yearn to be a unique individual with a spontaneity for life. I know I have to do and say things with caution, after all I am his role model! (for now anyway)I  have blinkers going on in my head doubting whether it is still possible. I am at a crossroad in my life and I need to think about which direction I want to head toward for my years ahead.

Or is this just my post pregnancy hormones playing up? Tell me! Oh, just don't tell me I am heading towards a mid life crisis!

If you are a parent, or a busy individual, I would love to hear how you prioritize your life, to rediscover you.  Am I making any sense here today? Send me an email, or leave me a comment, I would love to read and learn from your experiences or suggestions!

A first for everything...

Kayden threw his first full blown tantrum yesterday. He picked up an old roll of tape I had dugged out to close up some boxes earlier. He was having fun with it, he held it in his hand, passed it from one hand to the other, wore it as a bracelet and shook it in the air (he loves doing that with anything new to see if it makes a sound).

I had my eyes on the TV, and he was on my lap doing all that contentedly. And then, I realised HANG ON, he's hardly moving much anymore and he has gone all quiet.

Now, as a parent, u instinctively know that something isn't quite right when your child  goes all silent at times. This one one of them.

I peeled my eyes away from the TV, looked down and he was having a ball gnawing away at the dirty old roll of tape. Of course, a game of tug of war ensued when I tried to take it off him.

I pried it off his soggy hands. Kayden took a deep breath and let out a piercing loud scream. The type of -NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!GIVE IT BACK TO ME! I WANT IT! type of cry.

You should have seen the look he gave me! The look of sheer stubbornness and mischievousness! To be honest, I wanted to laugh! Instead, I handed him back the other toy he was playing with before the tape. He forgot about what just happened and continued chewing on that instead.

Babies.

Souffle cheesecakes!

A teaser photo. The other day I baked some souffle cheesecakes! Taste wise they were to die for! They tasted and felt exactly like the ones I used to buy back in Singapore.

Everytime I bake it so far, the cake fairies devour it really quickly. I love it when people (and fairies) love my bakes and ask for my recipe. I have never said no, I always share!

I am still going to play with the recipe abit more because it didn't keep its height after I took it out of the oven. I am about to go and try another batch sometime soon with cream of tartar in it. If anyone knows the trick to the problem, please email me and let me know.

One day...

When I was standing there taking this picture, I imagine the day Kayden will be tearing through playgrounds in the parks like this one.

Ninja Chickens

Talking about pets one day in the car.

 -  -  -

Kel: I don't think we are going to end up with any pets after all. You and Kayden have eczema. Can't have a dog. Maybe we'll have chickens instead.

Des: No way. Who's going to clean up the chicken poop?

Kel: We don't really have to clean it up much .. we'll just have a dirt floor.

Des: We can't do that! What about the foxes?

Kel: There's no foxes in the area.

Des:  Ok, maybe no foxes, but there might be feral cats or even just normal cats. We might end up having foxes, feral cats and cats sitting outside the chicken coop playing JAN- KEN- PON (ala HxH) to decide who gets the chicken. The only way we can ever have a chicken is if its a ninja chicken, hiding in the shadows and waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting predator.

Kel: *imagining what a Ninja chicken would look like* Hahahahahahahahhaaaa!!! Ninja Chickens!

-  -  -

*Insert picture of Ninja Chicken here... if either of us could draw lol*

Winter afternoon walks

I bring Kayden out for afternoon walks fairly often but, I must confess we go less often in winter. But if the sun is out, chances are we are out for a nice long afternoon walk. Just the boy and I.

 

 

 

There is some parkland next to home and we take long slow walks through it. Kayden loves it when I point out birds on the treetops, or show him the swaying leaves, the water running through the creek and sometimes we stop and try to spot a Koala. There is a little log book where people contribute their observations, we don't have any luck yet!

When we stop for a little break and a sip of water, he tries to make small talk with me. He goes "daaa da dah da da!"  Then he looks at me, and waves his hands as if to be describing to me what he saw before.

And on our way back home, he falls silent, most of the times because he dozes off in his seat.

Sometimes I wonder who was really doing all the walking....

A foodie in the making

To date, at 8 months of age, Kayden has tried a variety of foods. Mostly purees so far, but I have been told by the maternal nurse to stop doing that now. Instead, I should try mashing them with a fork if needed, and to give him finger foods.

I am glad she pre warned me that when some babies first eat non pureed food, they tend to gag. But we will BOTH get used to it I am sure.

He has been eating solids for 2 months now, and he has tried these foods (not in chronological order):

1. Commercial rice cereal (which he reacted to)
2. Pumpkin
3. Apple
4. Pear
5. Banana
6. Avocado
7. Broccoli
8. Corn
9. Chicken
10. Porridge
11. Sweet potato
12. Carrot
13. Cheese
14. Broccolini
15. Fish
16. Wholemeal toast

At his most recent allergy test, he had a positive reaction to eggs (u poor thing, I hope you grow out of it quickly, you won't know what you are missing out on!) and dustmites (who doesn't?).

So I read the labels carefully when purchasing commercial baby food for him and avoiding contamination of it via common utensils we use to serve and prepare his food at home. 

Until recently, he was quite happy with any combination of the food above. But I get a feeling he has finally realised that the steaming hot food we are eating from our plates and bowls are not quite the same as the colourful moosh I am stuffing into his mouth! We don't feed him with the usual food we eat. I think it is abit young to introduce seasonings to a baby's diet at the moment.

Over the past week, he seem to have lesser interest in his baby food. Many a times, he would rather go hungry than to have it. Talk about stubborn!

But the other night, Kayden decided after 3 or 4 spoonfuls of his chicken and potato moosh, that he wanted something else! He got sooo cranky and whiney, and if he could talk, I am almost certain he was screaming " I don't want to eat this! I want McDonald's!". Haha, maybe not quite. But it was that look in his face and his cry that meant he wanted to eat but just not what I was feeding him.

Then, a lightbulb went up in my head. I made him a grilled cheese toast.

I know. Not exactly 'dinner' type food. He loves cheese. And, he gobbled it up. Close to 3/4 of a whole slice of  grilled cheese toast. So he obviously enjoyed it.

He even smelled like cheese afterwards. Much better than regurgitated milk.

Hey! Kayden?

At a cafe one day, Kayden was quietly observing a table of little kids next to us. 

I kept my camera pointed at him and said, "Hey! Kayden?" and got this sweet smile!

Kayden at 8 months

My little munchkin is 8 months old! Over the past month, Kayden's development has progressed somewhat quite quickly.

Within the space of a week, he learnt how to sit up on his own. He is however still wobbly, which I am not concerned because I was advised by his maternal nurse that children learn to crawl before learning how to get into a sitting position themselves. Propping them up with cushions is apparently not advised! So we have stopped creating a pillow fort around him now.

And speaking of crawling, when on his tummy like above, he scoots backwards during tummy time.They go backwards before they go forwards. But to get him used to the idea of going Forwards, I place him with his feet against the side of a wall so he launches himself forwards when he kicks.I have caught him balancing on all fours doing a rocking motion a couple of times this week already, so I think it won't be too long to see him in action!

This little man loves his vegies! I have also started giving him finger foods to feed himself with. Carrot sticks, toast fingers, chicken cubes, cheese, cruskits, and pieces of fruit are on the menu here. At the moment, he LOVES broccolini (a cross variety of chinese broccoli-gai lan, with the normal broccoli). He stared at it when I first put it on his tray, then he gingerly picked it up, swung it around in the air for abit, then mooshed it in his fingers before putting it to his lips. A minute later I hear loud sucking sounds and the florets on the broccolini were almost all gone!

These days I am starting to realise my baby isn't such a baby anymore! I visited a friend's new baby girl earlier this week. It was the first time I held a newborn after I had Kayden. It took me by surprise how teeeeeeeeeeeeeny tiny newborns are! Was Kayden ever that small I thought out loud. And my friend and I realised that there was only 200 grams difference for their first weigh ins!

I am making a more conscious effort to cuddle Kayden alittle more these days. It won't be long until his first birthday!! It's going too quickly!!!!!!!! Somebody slow the time down!